The consistency of my writing here is like the drunk person attempting to walk a straight line. But I have an excuse, I have had a full-time job since late September. A wonderful thing that is happening to me. I am tired to the tips of my hair. I have never known such fatigue! Owing to my thing with books and people who like them, I have felt––for a long while––that working in a bookstore would be cool. And it is happening in a most interesting way. The bookstore is not just any bookshop,  it is the Studio Museum in Harlem’s book/gift shop! I am not going to go into the perks…like my current plans to finally visit Guggenheim and Whitney because they are now free to me. Or that I get to read at work when things are slow. I have been having some very interesting conversations with people visiting not just from all over New York, but from around the country and around the world. Then there is the fact that the Studio Museum happens to be my favorite museum! Yes, I am a bit high at present. But change, good or bad, has a way of gifting one a new center and I am trying to locate my altered one. Albeit the new situation is fantastic, it births some new challenges, in other words, growth opportunities. Like I said, these days, I am tired in a way I have never felt before. I am learning to work with this state, though. The thing is I now have to re-arrange my life in order to work on my art and craft.  I have gone from rolling out of bed to do my own thing all day long, to rolling out of bed to go to work. Of course, I am curious about the ways in which I am going to keep my projects in progress. At present I am of the mind that with less time to do my own thing, I must create in verse rather than prose.

If you write or read poetry you probably understand what I am saying here. Having less time can be freeing in that it forces one to focus on the important things. Since everything we do ought to be that which allow us to float, it seems important to always go into a challenging situation with the frame of mind that one is exactly where one needs to be. Thus the focus should be on the ways in which one can appreciate where one is. Here’s a simple guideline I am trying to follow: prioritize not that which does not prioritize you. This means energy and time must be invested in living truthfully. It means spending our limited time doing what improves us. With less time to dedicate to that which makes one’s heart sing, one has no choice but to learn to prioritize as though one’s happiness depends upon it, because one’s happiness depends on it.

When I got the job, one of the first things I started doing was prepping my body and mind for the new arrangement. I had to summarize for myself what it was all about: to help me move out. I need my own cell. But my soul cannot be neglected because the whole purpose of wanting my own space is so I can do more of that which feeds it. I am teaching myself to leave the job at the job. I have been ironing out some rules to help me benefit from the entire process and to continue to enjoy it. The first rule I came up with is to neither make nor take the job personal. Secondly, to see it as an opportunity for self-discovery. Thirdly, to not be defensive, thus approach things as a learning opportunity. Fourthly, to allow myself to ask questions and make mistakes in order to learn at a good pace. Practice of  these guidelines are helping me come home in a state of mind that allows me to attend to my own projects. There is also the excitement of coming home to do something that relies very much on me, and what I do is what I want to do.

The forty-hour-shift is new and I am still working on finding my balance. I still have that feeling that comes over one when things are still quite uncomfortable, because one is in a new situation and there is much to learn, but I am enjoying this discomfort. I have been walking around with a big silly smile  because I have been finding it irresistible to not tease myself…like the other day I caught myself thinking OMG look who is not lying on her mother’s couch attempting a one on one with the ceiling. The good times!

—
Jane