My theory is this: if you know how to love yourself, you can love others easily. This sort of love requires self-awareness; it necessitates seeing yourself as you are. Understanding your needs and being able to distinguish them from your desires; what others want of you and want for you; knowing your strengths and weaknesses and making room to improve them by taking leaps out of your comfort zone. So for you. . . anything. Not from others to you but from you to you. And by anything, I mean only the very best: That which takes effort, the practice of self-love.

Of course, you don’t know fully who you are. But you have a good sense of what makes you, you. Perhaps, for you rainy days are delightful. Paradise is being in bed with an exciting book. The dress you would go for is the yellow one, if everyone weren’t  screaming at you to take the red one. Here is the thing, what you care for matters. You should take the yellow dress because even when you are dressing for another, you are really dressing for your own happiness, indirectly. In the yellow dress you will be the most confident and happiest and that mood will affect those around you. When you take good care of yourself, you can in turn care for others. By knowing what is good for you, you can work on having more of what you need and getting rid of what you do not need––like that which is toxic to your well being. For instance, when you eat well and exercise you help protect yourself from getting sick. But you also inspire others to choose a lifestyle that helps them to be healthy. And you are more likely to be able to care for friends and family if they should need you. When you know how to make time for yourself you are ready to make time for others.

Loving yourself is being aware that your happiness is in your own hands and to put it into the hands of another is to be unfair to yourself and to them. To love another and to be loved by them is to share yourself with them and invite them to do the same with you. If you care for yourself, you are careful who you choose to take part in your life. The persons you love become a part of you and a channel for your happiness. They represent the attributes you consider significant to a meaningful life. But they cannot take over your internal cultivation of happiness, for that is only yours to exercise.

That which you love to do, that which excites you, that which steals your breath, that which transforms your heart into the loudest drum defines you. But so does that which makes you weep, angers you, hurts you. When you care for yourself you know what makes life meaningful and cultivate more of it. In so doing you might meet others who share your values. But should you meet those who belittle your principles, you would know to stand your ground.

Love is not possessiveness, as possessiveness is selfishness: a mixture of fear and lack of faith in self-worth. Love is deep caring with boundaries of respect. Fear can be good but not when it cripples you from learning. Mistakes are not taboos: they are necessary for living, i. e., experiencing and understanding what it means to be human. Forgiving yourself when you act foolishly is good practice to forgive others for your own sake and theirs. Respect for others starts with respect for self: when you keep your word to yourself, you are more likely to keep your word to others. When you know what happiness looks like in yourself you recognize it in others and encourage it. When you know what it means to take care of yourself you know it is a beautiful thing when others care for you. When you practice good care of self you put yourself in the best position to do the same for others.

Have a blast!
Jane