At work, a large group of women came in to shop and man were they loud! The store being very small, there was no escaping. Their voices were very high so that when they spoke to each other it sounded as though they were shouting across a football field at one another. I was very put off, and so were my co-workers. We wished that they would lower their voices, but we dared not say anything to them. After all they were the customers, and it is the norm that good customer service means that the customer gets a great experience. That did not stop me from making some ugly remarks on their lack of civilization.
Fast forward three or four weeks later, I went shopping with my good friend whom I had not seen in forever. It was just the two of us and it was early in the shop (same place I work) and OMG how we were loud! I did not notice at the moment just how high our voices were. All I knew was that I was so happy to see my friend, and because I was so comfortable with her, I didn’t mind shouting at her in communication, she did the same with me and I didn’t think for a moment that she was being uncivilized. How could she be, she is a very well educated young woman and one of my favorite people in the world. Reflecting on our time together after we had parted, I realized what we had done and I felt two things: first, immense embarrassment, and second, regret for how I had judged the large group prior. I realized also that there have been several times when I have gone out with friends and acted very inappropriately, and it wasn’t because I didn’t know better. For some reason, it is easier to forget oneself when one is with good friends.
My point here is that we are people, and we are chameleons in a sense; we change colors depending on situations and sometimes we get so absorbed in our own companies and thoughts that we forget ourselves and we don’t act as we know we ought to. It is good discipline to be always mindful of oneself and others, but life happens. It means not that people are uncivilized, and inconsiderate, but that we are human. So when we observe others whom seem to have forgotten themselves it helps to remember that sometimes we too act exactly as the people whom we are at the moment finding offensive.
Have a beautiful week,
Jane
Dear Jane, I've had quite the same experience! I've learned to recognize that I will inevitably, most of the time, be a little bit judgey when it's someone else "at fault," and will inevitably, much of the time, forget myself when I'm the one having a good loud time. I believe we all play all the roles eventually, even if sometimes years might go by before we understand what it means to be on the other side. A happy week to you from across the country!
Lisa! How wonderful it is to hear from you. Thank you for the insightful feedback. I wonder how it is that it took me so long to realize that I often judge others harshly on the same flaws that I too possess. I saw your green grasses and I am as green in envy. It is still ridiculously cold here in NY, if only I could come to visit 🙂
I read once that we are most critical of the flaws in others that we also possess, and most admire the traits in others that we also share. 🙂
I wish we could beam you here for a visit!
I have a ton of examples for this, Lisa! It's weird isn't it? Oh I do too, beam me to Cali, that is…maybe I might come visit one of these days. See that new place of yours 🙂