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I thought about posting an entry yesterday and everything in me said bah! So I went and made myself a huge meal and gorged on berries. Then I I went to the city to return all the borrowed books which I never read, and which have accumulated fines because I couldn’t be bothered to either renew them or return them.

I am here now because listening to the Beatles is one of my motivational drugs. In case I have forgotten to mention; I am suffering a little. I am in the flapping wings of the mood swings. The arghs roll-out a-plenty when I must get out of bed.

Fun equals sitting on the window sill and looking, loving at the moon for hours. I can count how many actual words I have said to anyone since Wednesday. It feels like I am at the junction of life sucks and life is awesome. It is mostly that I am having dinner with fear. Let myself be drawn by her seduction. Letting her words feed the goose crawling under my skin, while she pets my head. What if everything I am doing, everything I have been doing is just wrong. Why am I always sooo broke and on penny budgets? I am afraid of tomorrow’s bad news. Like how to pay for tuition.

By the way I am always worried about how to pay for tuition. But surprisingly, I manage to always find a way to pay them. You would think by now, I would know to not worry about such things. But no. I must whimper and whine and fret about a tomorrow’s doom that may never come. As you can see, I’m not always riding rainbows with a fat lollipop in hand.

Happy Friday, Mates.
—
Jane