Here’s what I hope is a relatable example. I am sometimes late when I meet up with friends. Say I do this repeatedly to a particular friend. This friend may get upset, and perhaps stop hanging-out with me, or perhaps they may start showing up late to our meetings, too. If they do start showing up late, then I have caused them to change for the worst. Perhaps this continues for a while, then I start showing up on time but they are unable to get back to showing up on time.
I may get frustrated and probably not realize that I am partly at fault for their current tardiness. This also could ruin our friendship. However, say, they ignore my bad manners and always show up on time, despite my consistent rudeness. Perhaps in time I will start feeling bad and I too will start reporting on time.
This is a conscious effort that I have been making from the last months of last year. And I still forget sometimes to try and see things this way. Yet, I have been making some progress and a lot of little things that would have got me to start changing for the worst are being nipped in the bud. It also helps to talk about these things. Something I am very shy about. One step at a time, I suppose… How about you? Do you think this attitude reasonable? Let me know if it can be improved.
Happy Monday!
-J
I must admit that tardiness is one of my pet peeves and if you are person that is consistently tardy then I may not hang out with you. That being said I also feel that it's ok to make small changes to your behavior or even give a person a heads up like.. I'm usually late to things so if we are meeting up at 5:15pm expect me to be there a half an hour late or whatever. It's a good thing you are changing and hopefully not late to most outings with friends. I also feel that if a person can't handle the tardiness then perhaps you aren't meant to be friends.
About a year ago I would try to hang out or even reach out to a colleague but I noticed I was the one making the plans and I would show up on time and she wasn't making much of an effort. I eventually just stopped and it's been 6 months since I've heard from this person. I take that as 'I'm not really interested' which is perfectly fine I just wish I didn't waste my time trying to hang out with her. Lesson learned I suppose.
Eyelah,
Thanks so much for this insightful comment. It really got me thinking.
I really do think you have got some really great points. I have been thinking on them for sometime now. And I am still thinking.